Men are Funny - Psychosexual Dynamics

Funny ha ha? Or funny strange?

Both.

I love them for the silly way they think they can work their way into my life, into my pants, into my heart.

Well maybe they don't think they ARE working their way into my heart, but they do, and mostly way before they get near my pants!

Men are endearing for those very qualities that they are not self aware of, characteristics they don't control, their subconscious drives, deep urges...sweet innocence in the transparency.

Therein lies part of a woman's power.

I've had a few interactions with men over the last couple of weeks that have brought this on. I signed up for LinkedIn®, sort of preparing for the future where I am not sheltered by school and daddy's generosity. https://www.linkedin.com/pub/chloe-smith/a5/114/109   Feel free to connect!

I had a hard time finding people I know, my age and circumstance, but I was having fun just reading profiles looking for unusual but dynamic people. People who were doing interesting things with their lives.

I have a real life pagan wizard as a connection. A real life Albus Dumbledore, who has a school of wizardry, a bunch of degrees and lives a polyamorous lifestyle. It is interesting to google stalk people and read what they have said and what people around them say. Apparently there is a lot of social dynamic foofarah in an extended community of people who live in open and multiple partnered relationships. But you have to give them props for trying! I still haven't totally figured out the women, is it a submissive thing, to be one of several, in a group relationship?

I don't think I could handle all the potential drama. I can see the occasional threesome but not a long term sextuple! (or maybe it should always be an odd number?)

He seems like a sweet guy, but my mental picture is adolescent boy with a bunch of crush girls fawning. How do you extend intimacy over a group? I have a hard enough time with one other.

I also connected up with a couple of authors who are my dads age, 60's ish.

Now I have a book to my name, but it is a amateurish, self involved work, and hardly something to give me cred with the grownup crowd. Maybe points for trying. But the feeling I got from both of them was interest and solicitousness. I felt that cuteness was a big factor in their accepting my connection request. Not that I am so cute, but being a young woman, I feel men that age think I am.

Don't get me wrong either, I like that! I think older guys are sexy as hell if they have that kind of confidence that younger guys just don't have the life experience to pull off. I mean the older guys aren't so horny that they can't look you in the eye for more that a second, and know the way to you, is through your head anyway. And they have been rejected enough that it is just play, not a big ego thing. It's fun to flirt with them.

So one of the guys "liked" a picture of me on my Facebook® from when I was sixteen. And he was not single. What do I think? What am I supposed to think? The photo was from when I was skinny and the caption said I wasn't so skinny anymore. Yeah I like the photo too, but the guy has grandkids almost that age, so he likes it because.....

I think I know men. Their urges are psychosexual. Not necessarily directly toward actual sex, but things that gratify the idea, attention from young women perhaps? Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but I don't think so.

The other guy offered to let me read his upcoming manuscript! I warned him that my skills were on display in my own writing and my input would probably be less than profound. He wrote back very supportively and I had the feeling that I could establish a correspondence with him if I wanted. Tempting too as he is a deep thinker from what my googling of his writing showed. I even ordered his last book from Amazon.

I have a bit of reluctance though. Self doubt really, and fear of making a fool of myself! It's like the acceptance of flattery, is a set up for a fall. Not that any of the men I am writing about were blatantly flattering beyond mere politeness, I wasn't being hit on, or even offered the suggestion of a more personal interest. It is just what I feel is the subconscious motivation in men.

So one more guy. He only had 2 connections on LinkedIn® but one was a mutual connection, so when his request came in, I googled him.

HE WAS A FUCKING REGISTERED SEX OFFENDER!

Oh My Fucking God!

Men can not know the creepy ick feeling a girl has when someone who has messed with children, and had it proven in court, try to make contact with them!

I had to dig to find what to do, being new to LinkedIn®, but found how to sent a report to them. Hopefully they will boot him off and report him to the authorities. But probably its not illegal for him to be there.

So men. A range from the amusing to the bizarre.

Amusing is good, even great, I think of amuse as a bit of muse, inspiration. Man muse. I can work the shit out of a little bit of man muse in my life. Sucking inspiration out of life and hopefully into words.

The bizzare can be good, (wizard) or totally fucked up, (child molester).

Four men, a real range of the species' gender. Perhaps a bit of genius in each and also some deviance too.

So my take on men. Psychosexual, biospiritual organisms.

Why do I need them, watch them, worry what they think. Why do I act the way I do around them, different than around other women. Why do I want one so bad.

:)

Chloe

men in my head

     Guys leave messes in girls heads. Think about it, any guy you have ever known has left some unanswered questions, misunderstood actions, hurtful memories minor or major. Even just guys who were just friends, there is still stuff there in your head that pops up sometimes like opening a closet and finding you left some dirty clothes in it.
     Its like the good memories are all orderly and neat, but the neutral or less stuff is clutter. Its like trying to walk around in you bedroom if there are dirty clothes all over the floor and sometimes you trip or get frustrated.
     I need to wash my brain and get rid of the dirty clothes. But some stuff is just stained or torn or somehow in a state that it can't be fixed. Its like it will always be something that I can't understand.
     OK, show of hands, who's thinking I just broke up with someone? Well sort of, but that's just it, there was a guy, in my head and all, and now mostly there is just a mess that needs to be cleaned up! We didn't break up, because there was really no commitment, we weren't officially "going out", but we sure did spend a lot of time together! And now we aren't. No incident, no fight, nothing like that, just no him.
     Its like wtf? Not that I am really hurt either, just temporarily broomless! With stuff that needs to be sweeped up and dealt with.
     Details? Of course. We started talking one day, he knew about the stuff going on in my life, and he had stuff too and it was totally just to talk, and then of course when you talk to someone long enough its a relationship. Me it was my mom dying, and the horrible stuff I did in the year and a half leading up to that. I was all wrapped up in how guilty I felt for being a psychobitchslut when my mom needed support. And then her dying, and me being in therapy and getting back together.
     He had family issues. He lived between his mom and his dad, sometimes with one and sometimes with the other. Then his dad was arrested and put back in prison and it turns out he killed someone. And this just messed with his head so much that he couldn't really understand who he was. It was like here he was at a decent university, grad student, making good, but his dad who he loved was a total fuck up. Its like he couldnt figure out who he was supposed to be. Was he a product of his dads influence? Was he someone removed from that? At first I was a little scared, like thinking that maybe he had violence in him that might come out at me or something, but he wasnt like that at all and neither was his dad really. His mom and dad were loving and supportive people! At least from all I heard.
     So we hung, we partied, we held hands in front of other people and alone, and then after a while it was just less and less and I'd see him somewhere and not be with him. Then I'd see him with other girls.
      I never really thought it would be some long term thing or that I was in love with him or anything, but we got pretty close and shared a lot. And I think we both moved on from the big  hurts in our lives with each others help. But we never really turned into an us, yet there are still pieces of him in my head.

    I'm fine that he's not around anymore too.

    But why can't men clean up after themselves? It's like they can't see the messes they leave behind.

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