Sunday, October 7, 2012

Drunken Conversations

I had a short chat last night with a guy who I used to have a crush on when I was younger. It was apparent after a couple of lines that he was pretty drunk. I had had a couple glasses of wine myself and we said stuff that we may regret in the morning.

HE: i really need your help... please frown

Me: Yes? how what?

HE: Well honestly im super horny... could you help?:)

Now here is where a girl has to make a choice; do I want to be a girl that guys can just say that too? Do I want to play along and risk making a fool of myself? Do I really want to see inside the psyche of a drunk boy/man?

I played along a bit until it was apparent that he wasn't capable of playing the sort of mind game that a good chat is, teasing, innuendo, bold moves and good observation of where the other person is at in their mind. He was too drunk and didn't follow the leads I gave him to some hot chat sex.

I think part of it is that I am a word person and he is a person who comes across better in person. I love to play with words, use them on people. If he and I were in the same mood and physically in the same location, I bet he could have just looked in my eyes and I would have felt his need and been aroused myself. Shit I felt his need through his sparse, marginally coherent, one line chat responses!

But I'm a girl and I need more foreplay, words that tease with subtle meanings and suggestions, words that move feelings and memories around in my mind, I need to be feeling something too.

All I was feeling was tipsy and silly, although I did try to use my words to get him going;

Me: I'll be in my bedroom....I'll find something sexy to wear, maybe some transparent panties and some lip gloss? That do it for you?smile

Now to me that is a pretty obvious invitation to some hot chat! But he didn't really step up, but just replied

HE:  What else would you do for me wink

  • Me: A bottle of tequila and a sleeping bag out on the hill somewhere that looks over the valley and two people telling each other their thats real.
  • Your drunk now xxxx. Just jack off and go to sleep. smile

    HE: No,,,,I want you now!

    Me: And xxx, I want you to write me in the morning and tell me all about it! Tell me what you imagined and how good it felt and all that!

    HE:  What?
    • What do you mean?

Me? Whacha gonna do for me babe? He's not a word play guy. If I was him and wanted to play back, I would have said some thing like "oh yea! and I'll kiss that lip gloss off you and then your panties too!" Or "I'll come into your room with a feather to tease you, a body to please you and my passion to feed yours".

I know, I expect a lot. Thing is he's a great guy, nice, fun, decent. But still at that guy stage where he thinks too much with his dick. And there are times when a girl wants a drunk, physical, horny guy who doesn't have much to say or any claim on you. But it has to be inperson. Not in a chat!

I did what I had to do, and had a nice sleep. I hope he did too...  :)

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Ah School...

Back in the grind, autumn in full glorious last stages of leftover summer before the cool winds and rustling leaves come blowing by reminding of how life moves on never stays the same.

Run on sentences feel so good, stream of consciousness, alive and loving it in the face of the hideous oppression of structured writing to meet the dry expectations of grad student TA's whose only desire is the professors approving eye, a beer or ten, and a new crop of young women/girls to prey on.

Yea I'd fuck for a grade if I had to, but I don't, even though there are a couple of guys I wish would ask, as if guys ask instead of passive aggessivly maneuver and scheme, just ask guys, have some balls and say it, "I want your ass".

I'd have more respect if it was done direct and left alone if rejected, but then where's the fun in that? Too simple.

I need to write 4000 cogent words on mid seventeenth century literatures beginings, lots of poets, not too much in the way of what we now think of as literature, the novel and all.

What dire offence from am'rous causes springs, 
What mighty contests rise from trivial things, 
I sing — This verse to Caryl, Muse! is due: 
This, ev'n Belinda may vouchsafe to view: 
Slight is the subject, but not so the praise,
If She inspire, and He approve my lays. 

Yea right, its work to read, maybe my attitude needs adjustment, a few beers would do the trick, but spend months on my hips too, wine perhaps in baccannal spirit, or harlots gin, and strip naked at Dr Andy's poetry night and read "Rape of the Lock" with my most drunken slur!

Wa dir oofeens frum amrus cusses srpoings...

And fall down to the applause, a performance piece macabre. ?? should I?  I probably won't, but sit mouse quiet in the back row and fantasize about having the courage to walk up front and do anything at all! Men are not the only ones living lives of quiet desparation, internal fantasy the only love known, unseen, not recognized for who you are, but just a blob of flesh, not even acceptably shaped.

Ah well. I have not lost hope. There IS joy in me, and things wanting to get out. This was some of it.

Luv ya.