It's beginning to end. The last vestiges of childhood, innocence and freedom. I just have two classes this quarter and then I can walk.
Walk the stage or just walk away with official recognition of being educated. Not that the brief taste and exposure gained with a bachlorette degree is really educated! Life does that way more efficiently.
I will though have jumped through the hoops that qualify me for entry level work in the non fast food track.
I wish it were the 60's and I could drop out of all I tuned in to, be a hippy, have no repercussion sex with gorgeous longhaired men, take drugs that were still innocent, and feel like it meant something. Something not ruined by the term slacker and social responsibility.
I want to be an adult/child, grown physically and emotionally enough to function independent of help, but with no regard for convention or others projected expectations.
Maybe like http://www.jannerobinson.com/
Bare breasted surfing in Costa Rica, writing to live, living to write.
She inspires me. But I'm not thin. Or as driven.
What sort of life DO I want?
Definitely free from convention. No 9-5. I just can't. And don't have too.
But I want purpose! I've had it before. It was to "get through it". I did. Now life is a little flatter. Sounds like depression, but its not, I am content and happy, just a bit adrift.
I see others around me excited to start careers, move into the meat of life. People are starting to semi-permanently couple, prepare to build nesting capabilities, and be more responsible. Binge drinking only on Friday and Saturday!
I am uncoupled and drink steadily, never binging.
And I look into the void of future that is my life, oscillating between projecting fantasy and confronting reality. Only there is no reality except what I move myself into.
I can go any number of ways and am paralyzed with freedom.