Thursday, April 12, 2018


We are just a dream god is having

His nightmare, to be lost in it,

Come true.

Never to wake

To self, again


Reduced to an idea

Instead of all.

Saturday, April 7, 2018

Jilling to Braco

His unwavering gaze transforms lives with no words spoken. The silent audience waiting for that moment when his eyes sweep the audience and meet theirs.

Online or in person his intense, almost unblinking attention, freezes you, you can not look away.

"Braco", the Croat faith healer, has enchanted many who hope for relief; in life, with illness, with just being happy. I want to be happy. I need healing. Don't we all?

I had his online sessions on my calendar for a couple of weeks. I had not been "gazed" before so I was excited to see what the deal was. Would it be cheesey with a pitch for a donation? Or the life altering meeting of student and teacher with a transmission of wisdom, and life altering aftermath?

I researched him for hours, reading what little there is to explain what he is doing or how it works. Is it a form of hypnosis? That would be a legitimate, scientific explanation for "healing". First you set expectations in the subject, including the idea that what will happen will be because of the gaze, then the gaze activates the expectations.  Simple shaman technique, conman trick, healer method.

The mind is powerful, the mind can be influenced.

Hypnosis is not so unusual in our daily lives. Advertising, religion and manipulative people use the same techniques; declare a goal, create a narrative in which the goal is accomplished by the actions to follow, and then with permission of the subject, direct their thinking by controlling their attention. Hypnotists get your willing cooperation to temporarily allow them to direct your attention. It can be used for good, or to sell you stuff you didn't know you needed. More shoes...god...elected officials...I'm not afraid of it!

So I had the time blocked out, my door locked, my phone on mute. My laptop open to the page where I was to see him. I was on the couch a half hour before, waiting, while the morning sun started to come around to my southern window, where it made a lovely pool of light around me for 45 minutes every day.

I felt like a relaxed cat, woke from a long nap, fully stretched, groomed. Ready.

The time arrives, 10 am, and I have to use my vipassana skills to quiet the tingling of anticipation. Dramatic music and sweeping scenes of his temple of translucent onyx play on my screen..

Then some German doctor or something comes on and spends the next 45 minutes telling us what to expect, think and do after the yet to occur magic. Not what I wanted. I wanted to just have the experience, not to be preconditioned for it. Urrgghh!

Sock me with the grace, the melting love. I want release and stillness, magically. Leave the thinking behind.

Then it is time. He comes out and takes his place on a stand with cushions in the warm glow of backlit onyx, the camera gently zooms closer, to his face, his eyes, and he is doing it!

The Gaze.

At first it is nothing, just eyes unblinking. As I relax into it, I start to feel as if he is actually looking only at me, not through a camera and electrons whizzing, but directly. I feel him.

He is unjudging. Loving. There just for me.

I haven't had that sort of intimacy for a while. I let my prejudice fall away and accept his gaze. I gazed back, getting the feeling of him and I, alone, flowing psychic love at each other. No secrets possible, no hurt unseen. Held tenderly in gaze.

I felt my nagging worries fall away, my self consciousness too. I was open to him and he could see me to my core. So warm and safe, so acknowlegded, so known.

And then I was touching myself, no shame, he knew and still did not stop loving, gazing.